thus making me awesome and them whores
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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