I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
