Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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