Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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