Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
