I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
