Tell her she can't have a vagina
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
