It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
