Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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