You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i now understand why vodka
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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