There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
