Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
