I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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