was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
