there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
