So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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