Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
