It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
