Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's never too late to be topless.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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