he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize