chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
