I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
