She said her name was "party"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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