I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
