O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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