I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize