Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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