I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
