Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
