he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
