I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
