I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
