I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
