I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
