Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
