Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
