As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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