we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
