what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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