how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
