i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
