thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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