I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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