i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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