Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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