Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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