hotel room ftw
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
