i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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