Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
