So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
