what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
