Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
