i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
