I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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