It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
