I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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