I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You ruined the universe
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize