The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
