Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
