Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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