I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize