He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
