he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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