she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
