did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize