He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
