PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want to make a zoo with you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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