whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
