I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
